In 1953 The US population was less than 150 million... Yet you knew more people then, and knew them better... And that was good.

The average annual salary was under $3,000... Yet our parents could put some of it away for a rainy day and still live a decent life... And that was good

A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents... But it was safe for a five-year-old to skate to the store and buy one... And that was good.

Prime-Time meant I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet, Gunsmoke and Lassie... So nobody ever heard of ratings or filters... And that was good.

We didn't have air-conditioning... So the windows stayed up and half a dozen mothers ran outside when you fell off your bike... And that was good.

Your teacher was either Miss Matthews or Mrs. Logan or Mr. Adkins... But not Ms Becky or Mr. Dan... And that was good.

The only hazardous material you knew about... Was a patch of grassburrs around the light pole at the corner... And that was good.

You loved to climb into a fresh bed... Because sheets were dried on the clothesline... And that was good.

People generally lived in the same hometown with their relatives.. So "child care" meant grandparents or aunts and uncles... And that was good.

Parents were respected and their rules were law.... Children did not talk back..... and that was good.

TV was in black-and-white... But all outdoors was in glorious color....And that was certainly good.

Your Dad knew how to adjust everybody's carburetor.. And the Dad next door knew how to adjust all the TV knobs.. And that was very good.

Your grandma grew snap beans in the back yard... And chickens behind the garage... And that was definitely good.

And just when you were about to do something really bad.. Chances were you'd run into your Dad's high school coach... Or the nosy old lady from up the street... Or your little sister's piano teacher... Or somebody from Church.... ALL of whom knew your parents' phone number... And YOUR first name... And even THAT was good! ~

l remember Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel & Hardy, Abbott & Costello, Sky King, Little Lulu comics, Brenda Starr, Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows Nellie Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the sound of a real mower on Saturday morning, and summers filled with bike rides, playing cowboy, playing hide and seek and kick-the-can and Simon Says, baseball games, amateur shows at the local theater before the Saturday matinee, bowling and visits to the pool...and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar, and wax lips and bubblegum cigars

Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!

And was it really that long ago?

For all the scientists out there, and for all the students who have a hard time convincing these people regarding the truth of the Bible, here's something that shows God's awesome creation, and that He is still in control. Did you know that the space program is busy proving that what has been called "myth" in the Bible is true? Mr. Harold Hill, President of the Curtis Engine Company in Baltimore, Maryland, and a consultant in the space program, relates the following development.

I think one of the most amazing things that God has done for us today happened recently to our astronauts and space scientists at Green Belt, Maryland.

They were checking out where the positions of the sun, moon, and planets would be 100 years and 1,000 years from now. We have to know this so we won't send up a satellite and have it bump into something later on in its orbits.

We have to lay out the orbits in terms of the life of the satellite and where the planets will be so the whole thing will not bog down.

They ran the computer measurement back and forth over the centuries, and it came to a halt. The computer stopped and put up a red signal, which meant that there was something wrong with either the information fed into it or with the results as compared to the standards.

They called in the service department to check it out, and they said, 'What's wrong?' Well, they found there is a day missing in space in elapsed time.

Finally a Christian man on the team said, 'You know, one time I was in Sunday School, and they talked about the sun standing still.' While they didn't believe him, they didn't have an answer either, so they said, 'Show us, 'He got a Bible and went to the book of Joshua where they found a pretty ridiculous statement for any one with 'common sense.' There they found the Lord saying to Joshua, 'Fear them not, I have delivered them into thy hand; there shall not a man of them stand before Thee.' Joshua was concerned because he was surrounded by the enemy! And if darkness fell, they would overpower them. So Joshua asked the Lord to make the sun stand still! That's right... 'The sun stood still and the moon stayed and lasted not to go down about a whole day!' (Joshua 10:12-13)

The astronauts and scientists said, There is the missing day! They checked the computers going back into the time it was written and found it was close but not close enough. The elapsed time that was missing back in Joshua's day was 23 hours and 20 minutes .. not a whole day.

These little words in the Bible are important, but they were still in trouble because if you cannot account for 40 minutes, you'll still be in trouble 1000 years from now.

Forty minutes had to be found because it can be multiplied many times over in orbits. As the Christian employee thought about it the remembered somewhere in the Bible where it said the sun went BACKWARDS.

The scientists told him he was out of his mind, but they got out the Book and read these words in 2 Kings that told of the following story Hezekiah, on his death bed, was visited by the prophet Isaiah who told him that he was not going to die. Hezekiah asked for a sign as proof. Isaiah said 'Do you want the sun to go ahead 10 degrees?' Hezekiah said, 'It is nothing for the sun to go ahead 10 degrees, but let the shadow return backward 10 degrees.' Isaiah spoke to the Lord, and the Lord brought the shadow ten degrees BACKWARD! Ten degrees is exactly 40 minutes!

Twenty-three hours and 20 minutes in Joshua, plus 40 minutes in Second Kings make the missing day in the universe! Isn't it amazing?

It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Liebeck Awards." The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.

5th Place (tie): Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

5th Place (tie): 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place (tie): Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $350 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place: This year's run away winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned.

Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

The Lord came unto Noah in 2006, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans, thy sons and their wives."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights." Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard --but no Ark.

"I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system! . My nei ghbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls -- but no go!

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. I am required to apply for 834 different licenses to keep wild beasts on private property.

"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood. Further, the pitch to water-poof the ark has been banned by the EPA as inimical to the environment.

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

"Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The scaffolding to build the super structure is not OSHA-approved and is forbidden to use except for private structures less than 5 cubits.

"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. "So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 100 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean You're not going to destroy the world?".

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," ...I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence
for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.

"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..." He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?" Church was pretty much over at that point...

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause
that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

1. Mothers don't have spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.

We spread the rabbit ears as far as they would go,
But sometimes all you got was lots of snow.

Pull a chair up to the TV set and say
"Good Night, David" and "Good Night, Chet"."

It felt so good to know wrong from right,
Life looked so much better in black and white.

In God they trusted, alone in bed, they slept,
A promise made was a promise kept.

I'd trade all the channels on the satellite,
If I could just turn back the clock tonight,
To when everybody knew wrong from right,
Life was better in black and white!

Sheriff Joe Arpaio was just re-elected Sheriff in Maricopa County, Arizona for the 4th time.

He won the election in 1992. Four years later, in 1996, after his policies had earned him unprecedented praise and an 85% public approval rating, no one even ran against him when he sought a second term as sheriff.

You probably know him as "America's Toughest Sheriff", a name given to him by the media years ago. It's a name he certainly has earned as the head of the nation's fourth largest Sheriff's Office.

Here's probably the reason why:

In his jails, he doesn't allow inmates to smoke since it's bad for their health (after all, we need to make sure that we do not cause harm to the people who make a habit of inflicting harm on others). He does not allow porno magazines either despite threats by the ACLU. He also cut out coffee since it has zero nutritional value.

He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again but only lets in the Disney Channel and the Weather Channel. When asked why the Weather Channel he replied, so they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working outside on my chain gangs.

Yes, this is the same Sheriff Joe who also created the famous (or is it infamous?) "tent city jail".

He makes the prisoners wear pink uniforms, eat bologna sandwiches and work outside on chain gangs so they could provide free work on county and city projects. The meals only cost 40 cents a serving and he charges the inmates for them so they will appreciate what it is like to work for a living.

He also started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.

When some local news reporters complained about the "inhuman living conditions", Sheriff Joe was not one bit sympathetic.

He told them, "Look, it's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too. They have to wear full battle gear, eat Army rations and are putting their lives on the line so these inmates can live in freedom. However, THEY didn't commit any crimes and these guys DID! "My jails aren't the Ritz/Carlton so if these inmates don't like it, they don't HAVE to come back!"

Way to go Sheriff Joe! We hope you are re-elected many, many more times!

SHERIFF ARPAIO'S BIO

You probably know him as "America's Toughest Sheriff", a name given to him by the media years ago. It's a name he certainly has earned as the head of the nation's fourth largest Sheriff's Office. But even before he became Sheriff in 1993, Joe Arpaio was one tough law man.

After serving in the Army for three years from 1950 to 1953, Arpaio went on to build a federal law enforcement career and a reputation for fighting drug trafficking around the world.

From the United States to Mexico to Turkey to the Middle East to Central and South America, Arpaio was an expert in undercover work establishing a stellar record of infiltrating drug organizations and arresting drug offenders.

His expertise led him to management positions with the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) in the United States and around the world. He concluded his remarkable career as head of the DEA for Arizona.

In 1992, building on his expertise as a former police officer in Washington D.C. and Las Vegas, and as a top federal law enforcement official, Arpaio successfully campaigned to become the Sheriff of Maricopa County.

He won the election in 1992. Four years later, in 1996, after his policies had earned him unprecedented praise and an 85% public approval rating, no one even ran against him when he sought a second term as Sheriff.

After 42 years of law enforcement experience, Arpaio's strength is in his ability to know what the public wants. "As Sheriff, I serve the public. The public is my boss", are statements often made by Sheriff Arpaio.

And in serving the public, Arpaio has done many unique things as Sheriff.

On August 3, 1993, he started the nation's largest Tent City for convicted inmates. Over 2000 convicted men and women serve their sentences in a canvas incarceration compound. It is a remarkable success story and has garnered the attention of government officials and media worldwide.

The same is true for his chain gangs which work six days a week contributing thousands of dollars of free labor to the community. The male chain gang and the world's first ever female chain gang clean streets, paint over graffiti, and bury the indigent in the county cemetery.

Equally impressive are the Sheriff's get tough policies. Arpaio doesn't believe in coddling criminals, frequently saying that jails should not be country clubs. He banned smoking, coffee, pornographic magazines, movies and unrestricted television in all jails. He has the cheapest meals in the country too. The average inmate meal costs under 20 cents.

Arpaio also has launched innovative rehabilitation programs like "Hard Knocks High ", the only accredited high school in an American jail. His ALPHA program teaches inmates to turn away from drugs. It is one of his proudest accomplishments. A high percentage of ALPHA graduates leave his jail clean and sober and rarely, if ever, return to incarceration.

As for his deputies, Arpaio has increased salaries, encouraged education by providing incentive pay, improved equipment and the fleet, and has elevated this office to a full-service, state-of-the-art world renowned law enforcement agency.

Also under Arpaio, the posse has grown to 3200 members, the nation's largest volunteer posse. These men and women, always are a great help to deputies, help in search and rescue and other traditional police work as well as in special operations like round-ups of deadbeat parents, fighting prostitution in the valley's so-called red light district, and patrolling malls and shops during holidays. The posse's contribution is invaluable and essentially free to taxpayers.

Arpaio and his wife, Ava, have been married 47 years. They have two children and three grandchildren who also reside in the Phoenix area.

Arpaio says his plans include several more years as the head of the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office.

Once upon a pew I sat and heard the preacher ask,
"We need someone to teach a class, Now who will take this task?"
Then God sat down beside me there and said, "Son, that's for you."

"But, Lord, to stand before a class is one thing I can't do.
Now Bill would be the man to call, there's nothing he won't do.
I'd rather hear the lesson taught from here upon my pew."

Once upon a pew I sat and heard the preacher ask,
"We need someone to lead the songs, Now who will take this task?"
Then God sat down beside me there and said, "Son, that's for you."

"But Lord, to sing before a crowd Is one thing I can't do.
Now Brother King will do the job, there's nothing he won't do.
I'd rather hear the music played from here upon my pew."

Once upon a pew I sat and heard the preacher ask,
"I need someone to keep the door, Now who will take this task?"
Then God sat down beside me there and said, "Son, that's for you."

"But saying things to strangers, Lord, Is one thing I can't do.
Now Tom can talk to people, Lord, there's nothing he won't do.
I'd rather someone come to me and greet me on the pew."

As years just seemed to pass me by, I heard that voice no more.
Until one night I closed my eyes and woke on heaven's shore.
'Twas four of us together there to face eternity.
God said, "I need just three of you to do a job for me."

"O Lord, I cried, "I'll do the job, there's nothing I won't do."
But Jesus said, "I'm sorry, Friend, In Heaven there's no pew."

FLORIDA
Ask Us About Our Grandkids, and Our GREAT Grandkids, and Our GREAT, GREAT Grandkids!

HAWAII
"Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru." (Just Come, Visit and Then Leave Your Money!)

IDAHO
We're More Than JUST Potatoes...
(Well, Okay, Maybe Not, But Our Potatoes Are REALLY Good!)

LOUISIANA
Not Everybody Is A Drunk Cajun Like You See At Mardi Gras!
(That's Just Our Most Popular Tourism Campaign)

MAINE
Yep! We're Really Far Away And It's Really Cold Here, But We Have Great Lobster!

MONTANA
Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, and Lots and Lots and Lots Of Buffalo!

NEW YORK
"You Have The Right To Remain Silent. You Have The Right To An Attorney and Anything You Say May Be Held Against You In A Court Of Law."

TENNESSEE
The Volunteer State. If You Don't Volunteer, We Will Volunteer You!

VIRGINIA
Who Says Government Stiffs And Mountain, Slackjaw Yokels Can't Get Along?

WASHINGTON, DC.
Ok, So We're Not Really A State, But At Least We Get More National Coverage Than You Do!

If you are enough to remember the comedy team of Abbott and Costello, you will appreciate this. If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" could have easily been about computers and have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO: No, I've already got wallpaper in my office. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: No, you need software for your windows so you can write proposals, track expenses and run your business.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! (SIGH!) OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

COSTELLO: OK, forget that. I've heard I can watch movies on the computer, is that right?

COSTELLO: Yeah, maybe a real one or maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what do I need?

COSTELLO: (SIGH!) Ok, ok! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Yeah, but it already comes bundled with your computer at no extra charge.

ABBOTT: No, Microsoft gives you a license to copy your Money if you don't give it away.

(Costello goes to the computer store, pays for it and takes it home. A few hours later he calls back)

COSTELLO: Yes, this is Lou Costello. I'm finished using my new computer for the day. How do I turn it off?

ABBOTT: Ok, look in the lower left-hand corner and click on the "START" button.......

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

* Never buy a car you can't push.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, always sleep late.

* Don't always rush into things that look too easy. Remember, it's the second mouse gets the cheese!

* When everything's coming your way, you're going on wrong way on the interstate.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to just one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make only once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

* If you don't go to people's funerals, then they won't come to yours.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

7) Since there is no time like the PRESENT, he thought it was time to PRESENT the PRESENT.

"Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case."

"Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible."

"The best vitamin for a Christian is B1."

"Welcome to our church. It's been under the same management for over 2000 years."

"Welcome to our church. Soul food served here."

"Welcome to our church. Wal-Mart isn't the only saving place!"

"Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!"

"Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church."

"Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!"

"Life has many choices, Eternity has two. What will yours be?"

"Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due."

"Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary."

"It's hard to stumble when you're down on your knees."

"What part of 'THOU SHALT NOT' don't you understand?"

"Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings."

"A clear conscience makes a soft pillow."

"The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday."

"Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive."

"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."

"Christians, keep the faith...but not from others!"

"Satan subtracts and divides. God adds and multiplies."

"If you don't want to reap the fruits of sin stay out of the devil's orchard."

"To belittle is to be little."

"Don't let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you."

"God answers kneemail."

"Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back."

Mildred, the town gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the community's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new neighbor on her street, of being an alcoholic after she saw his red pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. So she started the gossip going around that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, got wind of what she was saying about him but didn't bother to explain, defend, or deny his actions. However, later that evening, George quietly pulled his bright red pickup truck right in front of Mildred's House . . .

*A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

* After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

* A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service: "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."

* A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?" *

* A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

* After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"

* Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?" "Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot.

* The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."

* A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled, "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"

* Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."

* A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, Honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

In 1953 The US population was less than 150 million... Yet you knew more people then, and knew them better...

The average annual salary was under $3,000...Yet our parents could put some of it away for a rainy day and still live a decent life...

A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents... But it was safe for a five-year-old to skate to the store and buy one...

Prime-Time meant I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet, Gunsmoke and Lassie... So nobody ever heard of ratings or filters...

We didn't have air-conditioning... So the windows stayed up and half a dozen mothers ran outside when you fell off your bike...

The only hazardous material you knew about...Was a patch of grassburrs around the light pole at the corner...

You loved to climb into a fresh bed... Because sheets were dried on the clothesline...

People generally lived in the same hometown with their relatives... So "child care" meant grandparents or aunts and uncles...

Parents were respected and their rules were law.... Children did not talk back...

Your Dad knew how to adjust everybody's carburetor... And the Dad next door knew how to adjust all the TV knobs... And that was very good.

Your grandma grew snap beans in the back yard... And chickens behind the garage...

And just when you were about to do something really bad... Chances were you'd run into your Dad's high school coach... Or the nosy old lady from up the street... Or your little sister's piano teacher... Or somebody from Church... ALL of whom knew your parents' phone number...And YOUR first name...

And there was Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel &Hardy, Abbott &Costello, Sky King, Little Lulu comics, Brenda Starr, Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the sound of a reel mower on Saturday morning, and summers filled with bike rides, playing in cowboy land, playing hide and seek and kick-the-can and Simon Says, baseball games, amateur shows at the local theater before the Saturday matinee, bowling and visits to the pool...and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar, and wax lips and bubblegum cigars

Do you remember when our Moms used to cut raw chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no disinfectant, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning?

And she used to defrost hamburger on the counter and we used to eat it raw sometimes too! Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper and put in a brown paper bag (not a high-tech, insulated, thermal school lunch box with ice packs from the freezer). Funny, but I can't remember anyone ever getting ecoli.

In the summer, almost all of us went swimming in the nearby lake (or fish pond) instead of a pristine pool with lots of chlorine - but there weren't too many beach closures then.

And most Saturday afternoons were spent pushing an old fashioned lawn mower and we didn't even KNOW that they came with a motor until we were teenagers! My brother and I we were very happy to get one even if it wasn't self-propelled or have an automatic blade-stop mechanism. But after the chores were done, and if we had saved our allowances, we got to go to the local movie house where they were showing just one picture (or sometimes a "double-feature") starring Buck Rogers, Roy Rogers or maybe even the "king" himself, Elvis Presley.

Back then, the term "cell phone" would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell and a "pager" was the school PA system.

And speaking of school, remember when we all heard the Bible read over the PA every morning; we all said "The Lord's Prayer" together; sang the National Anthem; saluted the flag and stayed after school if we were bad? We must have had horribly damaged psyches from all that cruel and unusual punishment!

And believe it or not, at Christmas time, they actually let us sing "Christmas carols" about Jesus' birth without fear that the local chapter of the ACLU would sue the school board! What's even more unbelievable is that every once in a a while, the principal would invite a local preacher or a traveling evangelist to the school auditorium to tell us all how much Jesus loved us and they would even give an invitation for anyone who wanted to be saved. At other times, we were given little red copies of the New Testament courtesy of the Gideon's and nobody even complained about it. Wow! How times have changed!

We all took gym class (not "PE") and we risked "permanent injury" wearing a pair of high top sneakers instead of having expensive, cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles. I can't recall any life-threatening foot injuries back then but they MUST have happened because they tell us how much safer (and better off) we are these days with the latest, high tech footwear.

Flunking gym class was not an option... even for the dumb kids! I guess "PE" today must be much harder now than gym class was back then.

And speaking of back then, I remember one day, a student was running the hall and he hit a wet spot where the janitor had just mopped and he slipped and fell. How much better off he would be today if only his parents had known they could have sued the school board and retired in style!

And what an archaic health system we had back then! Remember the old school "sick-rooms"? Ours was a little closet space near the principal's office with a couple of army cots, some musty wool blankets from WW II and a couple of pillows from the local hospital, if that!

As far as our "self-esteem" went, we were taught that we were supposed to work hard and accomplish good grades on our own before we were allowed to be proud of ourselves. None of the "EVERYBODY is a first place winner" (regardless if they work or don't work for it) like they say we must teach our students today.

And I just can't imagine how bored we we must have been without I-Macs, PC's, Play Stations, Nintendo's, X-boxes or 270 digital cable TV channels like kids have today. I must be repressing those memories as I try to rationalize through the denial of the dangers which could have befallen us as we trekked off down the road to some vacant lot, built forts out of tree branches, old pieces of plywood, made trails through the woods and fought over who got to be Davy Crockett, Superman or the Lone Ranger. And by the way, what WAS that property owner thinking anyway - letting us play on that vacant lot? He should have been locked up for not putting up a fence around the property, complete with a self-closing gate and an infrared intruder alarm system.

We played "King Of The Hill" on piles of gravel left on construction sites and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 50 cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like Iodine) and then we got a Band-Aid to cover up the scrape. Today, it's a trip to the ER, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 prescription for antibiotics and Dad calls an attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a dangerous pile of gravel because it is such a threat to the neighborhood.

And speaking of neighbors, we didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our rear end spanked (Oh no! Physical abuse!) and then we got it whacked again when we got home "just because" we should have known better.

I recall the little boy from next door coming over and doing tricks on our front porch. He fell off and landed on his head. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house in a lawsuit as a result of his fall. Instead, she picked him up, gave him a lecture for being such a show-off and took him home to wait until his father got home. My my! Ours was a neighborhood run amuck!

And would you believe, I remember the time Mom invited a door to door salesman inside for a cool glass of lemonade, the ladies from the church would bring over some food if somebody died and we sat down to eat supper together EVERY night of the week?

When we went anywhere in the car, we didn't have DVD's, I-pods, MP3 players or even GameBoys to entertain ourselves and I am sure that I nearly exhausted my imagination quite a few times counting the cows, looking for all the cars with out-of-state tags and asking "Are we THERE yet?". I should have probably sued my parents for the danger they put us in not providing us with seat belts, head restraints, air bags or air conditioning. And what about when they let us put our hands out the windows to play "airplane" or when all us kids slept in sleeping bags on the floor at Grandma's house or outside in the evening air when our whole family went camping at the state park?

To top it off, not a single person I knew was ever told growing up that they were from a "dysfunctional family". How could we possibly have known that? We needed to get into group therapy and take anger management classes to find that out! We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever survive?

Oh, well! At least we managed to make it this far. Now, what's the newest thing we have to worry about these days? Oh, and that reminds me! I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow!

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children.

The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.

TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.

TEACHER: Did you see God?

TOMMY: No.

TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He just doesn't exist.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.

The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy:

Tommy, do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?

TOMMY: Yes

LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?

TOMMY: No

LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she must not have one!

FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT" II CORINTHIANS 5:7

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work, you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 10 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

13. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself!

Have a good day.

America's founders did not intend for there to be a separation of God and state, as shown by the fact that all 50 states in the US acknowledge GOD in their state constitutions!!!

Somewhere along the way, the Federal Courts and the Supreme Court have misinterpreted the United States Constitution and told us that it is "unconstitutional" for our government to recognize God in our public declarations. But, could ALL 50 of our states be wrong?

After reviewing the acknowledgments of God in EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THE 50 state constitutions below (including New York AND California), maybe, just maybe, the ACLU and the out-of-control federal courts are the ones who are wrong!

"Those people who will not be governed by God will be ruled by tyrants."- William Penn

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1901 - Preamble. We the people of the State of Alabama, invoking the favor and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish the following Constitution...

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1956 - Preamble: We, the people of Alaska, grateful to God and to those who founded our nation and pioneered this great land...

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1911 - Preamble: We, the people of the State of Arizona, grateful to Almighty God for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution...

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1874 - Preamble: We, the people of the State of Arkansas, grateful to Almighty God for the privilege of choosing our own form of government...

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1879 - Preamble: We, the People of the State of California, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom...

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1876 - Preamble: We, the people of Colorado, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of Universe...

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1818 - Preamble: The People of Connecticut, acknowledging with gratitude the good Providence of God in permitting them to enjoy...

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1897 - Preamble: Through Divine Goodness all men have, by nature, the rights of worshipping and serving their Creator according to the dictates of their consciences...

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1885 - Preamble: We, the people of the State of Florida, grateful to Almighty God for our constitutional liberty, do establish this Constitution...

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1777 - Preamble: We, the people of Georgia, relying upon protection and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish this Constitution...

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1959 - Preamble: We, the people of Hawaii, Grateful for Divine Guidance... establish this Constitution...

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1889 - Preamble: We, the people of the State of Idaho, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings...

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1870 - Preamble: We, the people of the State of Illinois, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors...

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1851 - Preamble: We, the People of the State of Indiana, grateful to Almighty God for the free exercise of the right to chose our form of government...

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1857 - Preamble: We, the People of the State of Iowa, grateful to the Supreme Being for the blessings hitherto enjoyed, and feeling our dependence on Him for a continuation of these blessings... establish this Constitution...

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1859 - Preamble: We, the people of Kansas, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious privileges, do establish this Constitution...

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1891 - Preamble: We, the people of the Commonwealth of grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties...

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1921 - Preamble: We, the people of the State of Louisiana, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties we enjoy...

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1820 - Preamble: We the People of Maine... acknowledging with grateful hearts the goodness of the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe in affording us an opportunity... and imploring His aid and direction.

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1776 - Preamble: We, the people of the state of Maryland, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberty...

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1780 - Preamble: We...the people of Massachusetts, acknowledging with grateful hearts, the goodness of the Great Legislator of the Universe... in the course of His Providence, an opportunity... and devoutly imploring His direction...

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1908 - Preamble: We, the people of the State of Michigan, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of freedom... establish this Constitution...

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1857 - Preamble: We, the people of the State of Minnesota, grateful to God for our civil and religious liberty, and desiring to perpetuate its blessings...

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1890 - Preamble: We, the people of Mississippi in convention assembled, grateful to Almighty God, and invoking His blessing on our work...

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1845 - Preamble: We, the people of Missouri, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, and grateful for His goodness... establish this Constitution...

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1889 - Preamble: We, the people of Montana, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty, establish this Constitution...

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1875 - Preamble: We, the people, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, establish this Constitution...

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1864 - Preamble: We the people of the State of Nevada, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, establish this Constitution...

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1792 - PartI.Art. I.Sec. V. Every individual has a natural and unalienable right to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience...

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1844 - Preamble: We, the people of the State of New Jersey, grateful to Almighty God for civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors...

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1911 - Preamble: We, the People of New Mexico, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty...

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1846 - Preamble: We, the people of the State of New York, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, in order to secure its blessings...

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1868 - Preamble: We the people of the State of North Carolina, grateful to Almighty God, the Sovereign Ruler of Nations, for our civil, political, and religious liberties, and acknowledging our dependence upon Him for the continuance of those...

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1889 - Preamble: We, the people of North Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, do ordain...

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1852 - Preamble: We the people of the state of Ohio, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings and to promote our common...

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1907 - Preamble: Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to secure and perpetuate the blessings of liberty...

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1857 - Bill of Rights, Article I.Section 2: All men shall be secure in the Natural right, to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their consciences...

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1776 - Preamble: We, the people of Pennsylvania, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, and humbly invoking His guidance...

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1842 - Preamble: We the People of the State of Rhode Island grateful to Almighty God for the civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing...

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1778 - Preamble: We, the people of he State of South Carolina. grateful to God for our liberties, do ordain and establish this Constitution...

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1889 - Preamble: We, the people of South Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberties... establish this Constitution...

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1796 - Art. XI. III: That all men have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their conscience...

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1845 - Preamble: We the People of the Republic of Texas, acknowledging, with gratitude, the grace and beneficence of God...

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1896 - Preamble: Grateful to Almighty God for life and liberty, we establish this Constitution...

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1777 - Preamble: Whereas all government ought to... enable the individuals who compose it to enjoy their natural rights, and other blessings which the Author of Existence has bestowed on man...

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1776 - Bill of Rights, XVI: Religion, or the Duty which we owe our Creator... can be directed only by Reason... and that it is the mutual duty of all to practice Christian Forbearance, Love and Charity towards each other...

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1889 - Preamble: We the People of the State of Washington grateful to the Supreme Ruler of the Universe for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution...

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1872 - Preamble: Since through Divine Providence we enjoy the blessings of civil, political and religious liberty, we, the people of West Virginia. reaffirm our faith in and constant reliance upon God...

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1848 - Preamble: We, the people of Wisconsin, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, domestic tranquility...

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1890 - Preamble: We, the people of the State of Wyoming, grateful to God for our civil, political, and religious liberties... establish this Constitution...

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rules.
For this great nation under God,
Finds mention of Him so very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And should, by chance, my head I bow,
Becomes a Federal matter now.

We get contraceptives and birth control,
We can study witchcraft or a totem pole.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd!

We have a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the unwed father is the King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught such "judgments" just don't belong.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a "freedom scene".
But the law is specific, the law is precise:
A prayer that's spoken is a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses and tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns and now the Bible;
To quote God's Word will make me liable.

For public schools in the land of the free
Have become "off limits" for God and me.
I'm not allowed to share my faith
In a schoolhouse building or a government place.

But Jesus one day is coming again
And I'm not ashamed to call Him my Friend!
We Christians will shout in one accord:
"He is KING OF KINGS and LORD OF LORDS"!

But until then, here's the NEW "Golden Rule":
They that have the GOLD have made the rules.
So we can't pray and we can't share
That God loves them and it's NOT FAIR!

It's scary at times, I must confess,
When chaos reigns our school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; my soul please take!

Before U were thought of or time had begun,
God even stuck U in the name of His Son.

And each time U pray, you'll see it's true
You can't spell out JesUs and not include U.

You're a pretty big part of His wonderful name,
For U, He was born. Yes, that's why He came.

And His great love for U is why He died.
It even takes U to spell "crUcified".

Isn't it thrilling and splendidly grand
He rose from the dead, with U in His plan?

The stones split away, the gold trUmpet blew,
and the word "resUrrection" is now spelled with a U.

When JesUs left earth at His upward ascension,
He felt there was one thing He just had to mention.

"Go into the world and tell them it's true
That I love them all - Just like I love U."

There's a Universe of people who need to know
That JesUs loves them, so won't U go?

It all depends now on what U will do,
Cause it all starts out with that one simple U!

7. No matter how bad the storm might be, there's always a rainbow waiting at the end!

8. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big!

9. Don't listen to what the critics are saying. Just get on with the job which God has given you to do.

10. Everybody on earth is your relative. After all, the Bible does say that everybody descended from Mr. & Mrs. Noah!

11. Always trust the Lord even if you don't understand everything He is telling you. You didn't see Noah stopping to ask directions!

12. And, last but not least, whatever you do, JUST DON'T MISS THE BOAT! Accept Jesus as your Savior TODAY!

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his
fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into
the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon
sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying
to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman
sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was
fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his
family.

"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the
businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying
on the beach!"

The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied,
"And what will my reward be?" "Well, you can get bigger nets and catch
more fish!" was the businessman's answer.

"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still
smiling. The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be
able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!"

"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again. The
businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's
questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for
you!" he said.

"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman. The
businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up
a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your
employees catch fish for you!"

Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?"
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't
you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to
work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days
sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in
the world!"

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you
think I'm doing right now?"

Contentment is a difficult attitude to learn, but so important.
It's easy to get caught in the world's trap of working harder and harder
to earn more and more, when we may well already have what can provide us
with the greatest possible happiness.

"Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought
nothing into this world, and it is certain that we can carry nothing
out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content." (I
Timothy 6:6-8)

May you know true contentment today.

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the Peanuts" comic strip.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout.. run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be Loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Love is when my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca - age 8

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth. Billy - age 6

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. Karl - age 5

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy - age 6

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny - age 7

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss. Emily - age 8

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. Bobby - age 7

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. Nikka - age 6

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday. Noelle - age 7

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy - age 6

During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. Cindy - age 8

My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night. Clare - age 6

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford. Chris - age 7

Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day. Mary Ann - age 4

I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones. Lauren - age 4

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. Karen - age 7

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross. Mark - age 6

You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America.....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America.....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America.....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America.....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Mr. Harold Hill, President of the Curtis Engine Company in Baltimore, Maryland, and a consultant in the NASA space program, relates the following development:

"I think one of the most amazing things that God has done for us today happened recently to our astronauts and space scientists at Greenbelt, Maryland. They were checking out where the positions of the sun, moon, and planets would be 100 years and 1,000 years from now. We have to know this so we won't send up a satellite and have it bump into something later on in its orbits.

We have to lay out the orbits in terms of the life of the satellite and where the planets will be so the whole thing will not bog down."

They called in the service department to check it out, and they said, "What's wrong?' Well, they found there is a day missing in space in elapsed time. They scratched their heads and tore their hair.

Finally a Christian man on the team said, "You know, one time I was in Sunday School, and they talked about the sun standing still".

While they didn't believe him, they didn't have an answer either, so they said, 'Show us'

He got a Bible and went to the book of Joshua where they found a pretty ridiculous statement for any one with 'common sense'. There they found the Lord saying to Joshua, "Fear them not, I have delivered them into thy hand; there shall not a man of them stand before thee." Joshua was concerned because he was surrounded by the enemy, and if darkness fell, they would overpower them. So Joshua asked the Lord to make the sun stand still! That's right...' The sun stood still and the moon stayed and lasted not to go down about a whole day!' (Joshua 10:12-13)

The astronauts and scientists said, 'There is the missing day!' They checked the computers going back into the time it was written and found it was close but not close enough. The elapsed time that was missing back in Joshua's day was 23 hours and 20 minutes... not a whole day.

"They read the Bible, and there it was 'about (approximately) a day'. These little words in the Bible are important, but they were still in trouble because if you cannot account for 40 minutes, you'll still be in trouble 1,000 years from now. Forty minutes had to be found because it can be multiplied many times over in orbits.

"As the Christian employee thought about it, he remembered somewhere in the Bible where it said the sun went BACKWARDS. The scientists told him he was out of his mind, but they got out the Book and read these words in 2 Kings that told of the following story:

Hezekiah, on his deathbed, was visited by the prophet Isaiah who told him that he was not going to die. Hezekiah asked for a sign as proof. Isaiah said 'Do you want the sun to go ahead 10 degrees?' Hezekiah said, 'It is nothing for the sun to go ahead 10 degrees, but let the shadow return backward 10 degrees' Isaiah spoke to the Lord, and the Lord brought the shadow ten degrees BACKWARD!

Twenty-three hours and 20 minutes in Joshua, plus 40 minutes in Second Kings make the missing day in the universe!"

A basketball in my hands is worth about $19.
A basketball in Michael Jordan's hands is worth about $33 million.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A baseball in my hands is worth about $6.
A baseball in Mark McGuire's hands is worth $19 million.
It depends on whose hands it's in.

A tennis racket is useless in my hands.
A tennis racket in Venus Williams' hands is a championship winning.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A rod in my hands will keep away a wild animal.
A rod in Moses' hands will part the mighty sea.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A sling shot in my hands is a kid's toy
A sling shot in David's hand is a mighty weapon.
It depends whose hands it's in.

Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my hands is a couple of fish sandwiches.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in God's hands will feed thousands.
It depends whose hands it's in.

Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse.
Nails in Jesus Christ's hands will
produce salvation for the entire world.
It depends whose hands it's in.

As you see now it depends whose hands it's in.
So put your concerns, your worries, your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your families and your relationships in God's hands because...
It depends whose hands it's in.

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's or even the early 80's, probably shouldn't have survived.

We had no child-proof lids or locks on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick-up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing!

We shared one soft drink with four friends , from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day , as long as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. Unthinkable!

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.

We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt. We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents?

We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out any eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.

The idea of parents bailing us out if we got in trouble in school or broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the school or the law. Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors, ever!

We had freedom, failure, success, and responsibility --- and we learned how to deal And you're one of them!

You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 3:34 )

You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28 )

You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

Here is an interesting fish story from the Sunday edition of the Wichita (Kansas) Eagle Newspaper which happened a couple of weeks ago.

"A man and his friend were out on a camping & fishing trip last week and they were about 50 feet from the shore when they noticed just ahead of them a red, rubber ball bobbing up and down in the water as if someone was pulling it under and then releasing it so that it would pop above the surface."

"When they got closer to investigate, it turned that apparently a very large, flathead catfish had tried to swallow a child's miniature basketball and it had become completely stuck in the fish's mouth and now it was totally helpless to free itself from its predicament."

"As they laughed and continued to watch the fish bobbing up and down for a few minutes, it dawned on the men that this was an excellent opportunity to get themselves a nice fish for dinner that night!"

"As one of the men grabbed the landing net, the other one grabbed a camera since they figured that unless they got a picture, nobody would believe their remarkable fish story."

"After they pulled the fish into the boat and cut the ball out of its mouth - to their complete amazement - the fish turned to them and said, 'Thank you so much for rescuing me! I thought I would never get rid of that thing!'"

"As their jaws dropped and eyes opened as wide as saucers, the two men looked at each other. They were totally stunned by what they had just heard! And then, in a lightning flash, before they could even imagine what would happen next, the fish flipped itself out of their boat and disappeared into the water!"

"The man holding the camera said to his friend, 'Well, I guess next time, we had better plan on bringing a VIDEO camera!"

Note to our readers: If by some small chance, you don't believe this fish story, just take a look at the pictures below and you'll see proof of what they told us. (At least the part about the ball in the fish's mouth!)

The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...

Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached nak! ed
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
John the Baptist ate bugs
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer...AND
Lazarus was dead!

So no more excuses! God can use you to your full potential.
Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger.

God's waiting to_use your full potential.

1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
2. Dear God, I have a problem, and it's ME!
3. Growing old is inevitable . . . growing UP is optional.
4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.
6. You do the math... count your blessings!
7. Faith is the ability to not panic.
8. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
9. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.
10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.
11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
12. The most important things in your house are the people.
13. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

1. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
2. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
3. Your boat has not left the middle of your backyard in 15 years.
4. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
5. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
6. You burn your yard off rather than mow it.
7. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
8. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
9. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
10. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas gift list.
11. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
12. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
13. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
14. You missed your high school graduation ceremony because you were on jury duty.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. You've used a fly swatter to scratch your back.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
20. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $10,000 worth of improvements.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is the Super Walmart in the next town.
25. The TV in your living room that works sits on top of your old TV that doesn't work.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

And last, but not least...
27. Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth, so you take them out to see what it is!

Older Than Dirt Quiz: Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about!

1. Candy cigarettes
2. Blackjack chewing gum
3. Coke-shaped wax bottles with colored sugar water
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers in the top
7. Telephone party lines
8. Newsreels before the moving pictures
9. P.F. Flyers tennis shoes
10. Butch wax for crewcuts
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Maple-6933)
12. Peashooters
13. The Howdy Doody Show
14. 45 RPM records
15 Hi-fi record players
16. S&H Green Stamps
17. Metal ice trays with levers on the top
18. Mimeograph paper with that strong alcohol smell
19 Blue flashbulbs and Kodak Brownie cameras
20. Packard automobiles
21. Roller skates with keys on a shoestring
22. Roy Rogers cap pistols and cork popguns
23. Friday nights at the drive-in movies
24. Studebaker cars
25. Wash tub wringers

0-5 = You're still young
6-10 = You are getting older
11-15 = Don't tell your age!
16-25 = You're older than dirt!

Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?" We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow. "C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?" It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained. "Your Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it." By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it.

How many of these things do you remember? Head lights dimmer switches on the floor. Ignition switches on the dashboard. Heaters mounted on the inside of the
fire wall. Real ice boxes. Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner. Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer.

I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, and it was slow cause I couldn't pedal too fast.

We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.

I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.

We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine."

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's attic and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

Hey Everybody,

Well we's a flingin' the doors open for the first time at the all new hip and happening "Eugene�s Pizza and Pedicure Palace!"

Now, some folks might think it�s a little odd to have a pizza buffet and a pedicure operation in the same store, but 'ifen they would think just for a minute, unless you�re a baboon you don�t eat with ya toes ya use your fingers.

And so what do ya do with your feet when ya eat?

Ya put em under the table and that�s where the real bueaty of our service comes inta play.

Have you ever seen those quick oil change palaces how they have a pit in in under the cars so�s they can change your oil without jackin up your car.

Well, that�s the kinda engineering I have put inta the Pizza and Pedicure Palace, under each and every table while you tandalize your tongue with any combination of our 96 toppings pizza there�s a skilled and highly trained toenail technician in the pit under your table pampering those pooped out piggy�s.

What could be more simpler? So friends, give your feet a treat all while you eat the soon ta be the popular pizza in town.

So come on in take your shoes off and stay awhile! And where's the place to do it? Why, only at "Eugene�s Pizza and Pedicure Palace", of course!

"Smells good to your nose & feels good to ya toes!"

Come see us! Ya' hear!

Hey Everybody,

This is "National Friendship Week" and first of all I�d like to say I am thankful for your friendship.

And I also would like to comment of how a lot of businesses will use any kind of holiday or celebrated time of the year to have a sale and try and trick folks into buying stuff.

So I�m writing you to say that�s not the way we do business at Eugene Maxi Mall.

So just to prove it here�s what we�re going to do,

We�re having a . . .

�I don�t know you at all,
And you�re still welcome at the mall . . .
Stranger or not,
Our deals are hot!
Come and spend all you got,

So come spend a little or a lot,
Either way is fine,
because �Your No Friend Of Mine� Sale.

So, what do you think?

I don�t believe anyone can accuse �ole Eugene of using the holiday sale trick with this sale do you?

I�ll see ya at the mall!

What's the difficulty about drafting a Constitution for Iraq? Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years. We're not using it anymore.

The reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse is that you cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal", "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery", and "Thou Shalt Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around in our country. Maybe we should issued each one of them a cow when they enter the country.

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion dollars developing a pen that writes in zero gravity upside-down on almost any surface including glass and at below freezing to over 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

Well, you've all heard the story about Rudolph
and his bright red blinking nose?
But I'll tell you a Christmas tale
That never has yet been told.

You may think you've heard it all
But you ain't heard nothing yet
About that crazy Christmas
The North Pole can't forget.

Rudolph was under the weather
and had to call in sick
so he got on the horn to his cousin Leroy
Who lived out in the sticks.

He said "Santa's really countin' on me
And I hate to pass the buck."
Leroy said "Hey, Rudolph, I'm on my way!"
And he jumped in his pickup truck.

When Leroy got to the 'Pole
All the reindeer snickered and laughed.
They'd never seen a reindeer in overalls
And a John Deere tractor hat.

Santa jumped in and said to them
"Now, just hold on there boys!
Cause we've got a big job to do tonight
to deliver all those toys!

And it was Leroy, the Redneck Reindeer
who was a 'leading Santa's sleigh
Deliverin' toys to all the good boys
And girls along the way.

And before that night was over
Leroy had changed their tune
As they flew across the starry sky
by the light of the silvery moon.

And before the night was over
and Christmas morn had come
they delivered every toy
and got the job all done.

And Leroy the Redneck Reindeer
was havin' quite a ball
shoutin' "Merry Christmas everybody!
"Merry Christmas to you all.

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is to "be prepared'".

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future. "

" We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe We are a part of Europe."

" It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. "

At first I thought this was funny...then I realized the awful truth of t. Be sure to read all the way to the end!
Tax his land. Tax his bed. Tax the table at which he's fed.
Tax his tractor. Tax his mule. Teach him taxes are the rule.
Tax his cow. Tax his goat. Tax his pants. Tax his coat.
Tax his ties. Tax his shirt. Tax his work. Tax his dirt.
Tax his food. Tax his drink. Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his laughter. Tax his fears. If he cries then tax his tears.
Tax his truck. Tax his car. Tax him near and tax him far.
Tax all he has and let him know you won't be done till there's no dough.
When he screams and hollers, then tax him some more. Tax him till he's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin. Tax his grave. Tax the sod in which he's laid.
Put these words upon his tomb. "Taxes drove me to my doom...."
When he's gone. Do not relax. Its time to apply an inheritance tax!

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax,
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (up to 50 cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest expense Inventory tax
IRS Interest Charges
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road usage taxes
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What happened?

"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed." - Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.... But then I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. - Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. - G Gordon Liddy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. - Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. - Ronald Reagan (1986)

I don't make jokes I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! - P.J. O'Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! - Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. - Mark Twain (1866)

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. - Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. - Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. - Mark Twain

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. - Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress. - Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

If someone offered to pay you one cent the first day of the month and then double your pay each day for the rest of the month, would you work for them?

If you're smart you would say "YES" because on the last day of the month, your paycheck would be $10,737,418.24 (that's almost 11 BILLION with a "B") and your total amount of pay for the whole month would be an astounding $21,474,836.47

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's kids.

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a Grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack time before bed time and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

A 6-YEAR-OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''

GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH ! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

And I'm sure there are more instances, but the point is... that we citizens of the USA are required to prove who WE are nearly every day and some days in MANY ways! So, why should illegal immigrants be any different?

And by the way, if you are caught in MEXICO without proper legal documentation, they will throw you in jail! And I'm willing to guess that the jails in MEXICO are nothing close to what they are here in the US!

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!

Day	=	Pay
1	=	$0.01
2	=	$0.02
3	=	$0.04
4	=	$0.08
5	=	$0.16
6	=	$0.32
7	=	$0.64
8	=	$1.28
9	=	$2.56
10	=	$5.12
11	=	$10.24
12	=	$20.48
13	=	$40.96
14	=	$81.92
15	=	$163.84
16	=	$327.68
17	=	$655.36
18	=	$1,310.72
19	=	$2,621.44
20	=	$5,242.88
21	=	$10,485.76
22	=	$20,971.52
23	=	$41,943.04
24	=	$83,886.08
25	=	$167,772.16
26	=	$335,544.32
27	=	$671,088.64
28	=	$1,342,177.28
29	=	$2,684,354.56
30	=	$5,368,709.12
31	=	$10,737,418.24
Total	=	$21,474,836.47