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Gregg, Eugene & Tex's Favorite Stories

REMEMBER WHEN? - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

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In 1953 The US population was less than 150 million... Yet you knew more people then, and knew them better... And that was good.

The average annual salary was under $3,000... Yet our parents could put some of it away for a rainy day and still live a decent life... And that was good

A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents... But it was safe for a five-year-old to skate to the store and buy one... And that was good.

Prime-Time meant I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet, Gunsmoke and Lassie... So nobody ever heard of ratings or filters... And that was good.

We didn't have air-conditioning... So the windows stayed up and half a dozen mothers ran outside when you fell off your bike... And that was good.

Your teacher was either Miss Matthews or Mrs. Logan or Mr. Adkins... But not Ms Becky or Mr. Dan... And that was good.

The only hazardous material you knew about... Was a patch of grassburrs around the light pole at the corner... And that was good.

You loved to climb into a fresh bed... Because sheets were dried on the clothesline... And that was good.

People generally lived in the same hometown with their relatives.. So "child care" meant grandparents or aunts and uncles... And that was good.

Parents were respected and their rules were law.... Children did not talk back..... and that was good.

TV was in black-and-white... But all outdoors was in glorious color....And that was certainly good.

Your Dad knew how to adjust everybody's carburetor.. And the Dad next door knew how to adjust all the TV knobs.. And that was very good.

Your grandma grew snap beans in the back yard... And chickens behind the garage... And that was definitely good.

And just when you were about to do something really bad.. Chances were you'd run into your Dad's high school coach... Or the nosy old lady from up the street... Or your little sister's piano teacher... Or somebody from Church.... ALL of whom knew your parents' phone number... And YOUR first name... And even THAT was good! ~

l remember Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel & Hardy, Abbott & Costello, Sky King, Little Lulu comics, Brenda Starr, Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows Nellie Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the sound of a real mower on Saturday morning, and summers filled with bike rides, playing cowboy, playing hide and seek and kick-the-can and Simon Says, baseball games, amateur shows at the local theater before the Saturday matinee, bowling and visits to the pool...and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar, and wax lips and bubblegum cigars

Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!

And was it really that long ago?

NASA & THE BIBLE - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

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For all the scientists out there, and for all the students who have a hard time convincing these people regarding the truth of the Bible, here's something that shows God's awesome creation, and that He is still in control. Did you know that the space program is busy proving that what has been called "myth" in the Bible is true? Mr. Harold Hill, President of the Curtis Engine Company in Baltimore, Maryland, and a consultant in the space program, relates the following development.

I think one of the most amazing things that God has done for us today happened recently to our astronauts and space scientists at Green Belt, Maryland.

They were checking out where the positions of the sun, moon, and planets would be 100 years and 1,000 years from now. We have to know this so we won't send up a satellite and have it bump into something later on in its orbits.

We have to lay out the orbits in terms of the life of the satellite and where the planets will be so the whole thing will not bog down.

They ran the computer measurement back and forth over the centuries, and it came to a halt. The computer stopped and put up a red signal, which meant that there was something wrong with either the information fed into it or with the results as compared to the standards.

They called in the service department to check it out, and they said, 'What's wrong?' Well, they found there is a day missing in space in elapsed time.

They scratched their heads and tore their hair out. There was no answer.

Finally a Christian man on the team said, 'You know, one time I was in Sunday School, and they talked about the sun standing still.' While they didn't believe him, they didn't have an answer either, so they said, 'Show us, 'He got a Bible and went to the book of Joshua where they found a pretty ridiculous statement for any one with 'common sense.' There they found the Lord saying to Joshua, 'Fear them not, I have delivered them into thy hand; there shall not a man of them stand before Thee.' Joshua was concerned because he was surrounded by the enemy! And if darkness fell, they would overpower them. So Joshua asked the Lord to make the sun stand still! That's right... 'The sun stood still and the moon stayed and lasted not to go down about a whole day!' (Joshua 10:12-13)

The astronauts and scientists said, There is the missing day! They checked the computers going back into the time it was written and found it was close but not close enough. The elapsed time that was missing back in Joshua's day was 23 hours and 20 minutes .. not a whole day.

They read the Bible, and there it was about [approximately] a day.

These little words in the Bible are important, but they were still in trouble because if you cannot account for 40 minutes, you'll still be in trouble 1000 years from now.

Forty minutes had to be found because it can be multiplied many times over in orbits. As the Christian employee thought about it the remembered somewhere in the Bible where it said the sun went BACKWARDS.

The scientists told him he was out of his mind, but they got out the Book and read these words in 2 Kings that told of the following story Hezekiah, on his death bed, was visited by the prophet Isaiah who told him that he was not going to die. Hezekiah asked for a sign as proof. Isaiah said 'Do you want the sun to go ahead 10 degrees?' Hezekiah said, 'It is nothing for the sun to go ahead 10 degrees, but let the shadow return backward 10 degrees.' Isaiah spoke to the Lord, and the Lord brought the shadow ten degrees BACKWARD! Ten degrees is exactly 40 minutes!

Twenty-three hours and 20 minutes in Joshua, plus 40 minutes in Second Kings make the missing day in the universe! Isn't it amazing?

References: Joshua 10:8 and 12,13 and 2 Kings 20:9-11.

2005 STELLA AWARDS - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

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It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Liebeck Awards." The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.

Here are this year's winners:

5th Place (tie): Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

5th Place (tie): 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place (tie): Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $350 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place: This year's run away winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned.

Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

NOAH IN AMERICA - 2006- http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

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The Lord came unto Noah in 2006, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans, thy sons and their wives."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights." Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard --but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed.

"I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system! . My nei ghbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls -- but no go!

"When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an anima! l rights group.

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. I am required to apply for 834 different licenses to keep wild beasts on private property.

"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood. Further, the pitch to water-poof the ark has been banned by the EPA as inimical to the environment.

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

"Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The scaffolding to build the super structure is not OSHA-approved and is forbidden to use except for private structures less than 5 cubits.

"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. "So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 100 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean You're not going to destroy the world?".

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

FUNNY THINGS KIDS SAY - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

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THE MOMMY TEST

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," ...I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence
for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.

THINGS LITTLE KIDS SAY

"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..." He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?" Church was pretty much over at that point...

KIDS' ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR MOMS

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?

1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?

1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause
that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't have spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.

THE OLD TV SHOWS - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

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The old TV shows had special charm
They were always good and did no harm.

We spread the rabbit ears as far as they would go,
But sometimes all you got was lots of snow.

Pull a chair up to the TV set and say
"Good Night, David" and "Good Night, Chet"."

Depending on the channel you tuned,
You got Rob and Laura or Ward and June.

It felt so good to know wrong from right,
Life looked so much better in black and white.

I Love Lucy, The Real McCoys,
Dennis the Menace, the Cleaver boys.

Rawhide, Gunsmoke, Wagon Train,
Superman, Jimmy and Lois Lane.

Father Knows Best, Patty Duke,
Rin Tin Tin and Lassie too.

Donna Reed on Thursday night! --
Life looked better in black and white.

I wanna go back to black and white,
Cause everything always turned out alright.

Simple people, simple lives...
Good guys always won the fights.

Now nothing is the way it seems,
In living color on the TV screen.

Too many murders, too many fights,
I wanna go back to black and white.

In God they trusted, alone in bed, they slept,
A promise made was a promise kept.

They never cussed or broke their vows,
They'd never make the network now.

But if I could, I'd rather be
In a TV town in '53.

It felt so good. It felt so right,
Life looked better in black and white.

I'd trade all the channels on the satellite,
If I could just turn back the clock tonight,
To when everybody knew wrong from right,
Life was better in black and white!

"AMERICA'S TOUGHEST SHERIFF" JOE ARPAIO - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

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Sheriff Joe Arpaio was just re-elected Sheriff in Maricopa County, Arizona for the 4th time.

He won the election in 1992. Four years later, in 1996, after his policies had earned him unprecedented praise and an 85% public approval rating, no one even ran against him when he sought a second term as sheriff.

You probably know him as "America's Toughest Sheriff", a name given to him by the media years ago. It's a name he certainly has earned as the head of the nation's fourth largest Sheriff's Office.

Here's probably the reason why:

In his jails, he doesn't allow inmates to smoke since it's bad for their health (after all, we need to make sure that we do not cause harm to the people who make a habit of inflicting harm on others). He does not allow porno magazines either despite threats by the ACLU. He also cut out coffee since it has zero nutritional value.

He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again but only lets in the Disney Channel and the Weather Channel. When asked why the Weather Channel he replied, so they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working outside on my chain gangs.

Yes, this is the same Sheriff Joe who also created the famous (or is it infamous?) "tent city jail".

He makes the prisoners wear pink uniforms, eat bologna sandwiches and work outside on chain gangs so they could provide free work on county and city projects. The meals only cost 40 cents a serving and he charges the inmates for them so they will appreciate what it is like to work for a living.

He also started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.

When some local news reporters complained about the "inhuman living conditions", Sheriff Joe was not one bit sympathetic.

He told them, "Look, it's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too. They have to wear full battle gear, eat Army rations and are putting their lives on the line so these inmates can live in freedom. However, THEY didn't commit any crimes and these guys DID! "My jails aren't the Ritz/Carlton so if these inmates don't like it, they don't HAVE to come back!"

Way to go Sheriff Joe! We hope you are re-elected many, many more times!

NOTE: You can check this story by going to this site

http://urbanlegends.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://www.mcso.org/submenu.asp%3Ffile=aboutsheriff%26page=1

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SHERIFF ARPAIO'S BIO

You probably know him as "America's Toughest Sheriff", a name given to him by the media years ago. It's a name he certainly has earned as the head of the nation's fourth largest Sheriff's Office. But even before he became Sheriff in 1993, Joe Arpaio was one tough law man.

After serving in the Army for three years from 1950 to 1953, Arpaio went on to build a federal law enforcement career and a reputation for fighting drug trafficking around the world.

From the United States to Mexico to Turkey to the Middle East to Central and South America, Arpaio was an expert in undercover work establishing a stellar record of infiltrating drug organizations and arresting drug offenders.

His expertise led him to management positions with the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) in the United States and around the world. He concluded his remarkable career as head of the DEA for Arizona.

In 1992, building on his expertise as a former police officer in Washington D.C. and Las Vegas, and as a top federal law enforcement official, Arpaio successfully campaigned to become the Sheriff of Maricopa County.

He won the election in 1992. Four years later, in 1996, after his policies had earned him unprecedented praise and an 85% public approval rating, no one even ran against him when he sought a second term as Sheriff.

After 42 years of law enforcement experience, Arpaio's strength is in his ability to know what the public wants. "As Sheriff, I serve the public. The public is my boss", are statements often made by Sheriff Arpaio.

And in serving the public, Arpaio has done many unique things as Sheriff.

On August 3, 1993, he started the nation's largest Tent City for convicted inmates. Over 2000 convicted men and women serve their sentences in a canvas incarceration compound. It is a remarkable success story and has garnered the attention of government officials and media worldwide.

The same is true for his chain gangs which work six days a week contributing thousands of dollars of free labor to the community. The male chain gang and the world's first ever female chain gang clean streets, paint over graffiti, and bury the indigent in the county cemetery.

Equally impressive are the Sheriff's get tough policies. Arpaio doesn't believe in coddling criminals, frequently saying that jails should not be country clubs. He banned smoking, coffee, pornographic magazines, movies and unrestricted television in all jails. He has the cheapest meals in the country too. The average inmate meal costs under 20 cents.

Arpaio also has launched innovative rehabilitation programs like "Hard Knocks High ", the only accredited high school in an American jail. His ALPHA program teaches inmates to turn away from drugs. It is one of his proudest accomplishments. A high percentage of ALPHA graduates leave his jail clean and sober and rarely, if ever, return to incarceration.

As for his deputies, Arpaio has increased salaries, encouraged education by providing incentive pay, improved equipment and the fleet, and has elevated this office to a full-service, state-of-the-art world renowned law enforcement agency.

Also under Arpaio, the posse has grown to 3200 members, the nation's largest volunteer posse. These men and women, always are a great help to deputies, help in search and rescue and other traditional police work as well as in special operations like round-ups of deadbeat parents, fighting prostitution in the valley's so-called red light district, and patrolling malls and shops during holidays. The posse's contribution is invaluable and essentially free to taxpayers.

Arpaio and his wife, Ava, have been married 47 years. They have two children and three grandchildren who also reside in the Phoenix area.

Arpaio says his plans include several more years as the head of the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office.

CHRISTIAN "ONE-LINERS" - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

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"Don't let your worries get the best of you. Remember, Moses started out as a basket case".

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes and sand gnats come close.

When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

People are funny: they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

If the church wants a better preacher, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Peace starts with a smile.

I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage He who angers you, controls you!

If God is your Copilot - swap seats!

Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.

We don't change the message the message changes us.

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

ONCE UPON A PEW - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

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Once upon a pew I sat and heard the preacher ask,
"We need someone to teach a class, Now who will take this task?"
Then God sat down beside me there and said, "Son, that's for you."

"But, Lord, to stand before a class is one thing I can't do.
Now Bill would be the man to call, there's nothing he won't do.
I'd rather hear the lesson taught from here upon my pew."

Once upon a pew I sat and heard the preacher ask,
"We need someone to lead the songs, Now who will take this task?"
Then God sat down beside me there and said, "Son, that's for you."

"But Lord, to sing before a crowd Is one thing I can't do.
Now Brother King will do the job, there's nothing he won't do.
I'd rather hear the music played from here upon my pew."

Once upon a pew I sat and heard the preacher ask,
"I need someone to keep the door, Now who will take this task?"
Then God sat down beside me there and said, "Son, that's for you."

"But saying things to strangers, Lord, Is one thing I can't do.
Now Tom can talk to people, Lord, there's nothing he won't do.
I'd rather someone come to me and greet me on the pew."

As years just seemed to pass me by, I heard that voice no more.
Until one night I closed my eyes and woke on heaven's shore.
'Twas four of us together there to face eternity.
God said, "I need just three of you to do a job for me."

"O Lord, I cried, "I'll do the job, there's nothing I won't do."
But Jesus said, "I'm sorry, Friend, In Heaven there's no pew."

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NOTE: Click Here To Tell Us About Your Favorite "Do You Remember When?" Memory

My, my! How times have changed!

Do you remember when our Moms used to cut raw chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no disinfectant, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning?

And she used to defrost hamburger on the counter and we used to eat it raw sometimes too! Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper and put in a brown paper bag (not a high-tech, insulated, thermal school lunch box with ice packs from the freezer). Funny, but I can't remember anyone ever getting ecoli.

In the summer, almost all of us went swimming in the nearby lake (or fish pond) instead of a pristine pool with lots of chlorine - but there weren't too many beach closures then.

And most Saturday afternoons were spent pushing an old fashioned lawn mower and we didn't even KNOW that they came with a motor until we were teenagers! My brother and I we were very happy to get one even if it wasn't self-propelled or have an automatic blade-stop mechanism. But after the chores were done, and if we had saved our allowances, we got to go to the local movie house where they were showing just one picture (or sometimes a "double-feature") starring Buck Rogers, Roy Rogers or maybe even the "king" himself, Elvis Presley.

Back then, the term "cell phone" would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell and a "pager" was the school PA system.

And speaking of school, remember when we all heard the Bible read over the PA every morning; we all said "The Lord's Prayer" together; sang the National Anthem; saluted the flag and stayed after school if we were bad? We must have had horribly damaged psyches from all that cruel and unusual punishment!

And believe it or not, at Christmas time, they actually let us sing "Christmas carols" about Jesus' birth without fear that the local chapter of the ACLU would sue the school board! What's even more unbelievable is that every once in a a while, the principal would invite a local preacher or a traveling evangelist to the school auditorium to tell us all how much Jesus loved us and they would even give an invitation for anyone who wanted to be saved. At other times, we were given little red copies of the New Testament courtesy of the Gideon's and nobody even complained about it. Wow! How times have changed!

We all took gym class (not "PE") and we risked "permanent injury" wearing a pair of high top sneakers instead of having expensive, cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles. I can't recall any life-threatening foot injuries back then but they MUST have happened because they tell us how much safer (and better off) we are these days with the latest, high tech footwear.

Flunking gym class was not an option... even for the dumb kids! I guess "PE" today must be much harder now than gym class was back then.

And speaking of back then, I remember one day, a student was running the hall and he hit a wet spot where the janitor had just mopped and he slipped and fell. How much better off he would be today if only his parents had known they could have sued the school board and retired in style!

And what an archaic health system we had back then! Remember the old school "sick-rooms"? Ours was a little closet space near the principal's office with a couple of army cots, some musty wool blankets from WW II and a couple of pillows from the local hospital, if that!

As far as our "self-esteem" went, we were taught that we were supposed to work hard and accomplish good grades on our own before we were allowed to be proud of ourselves. None of the "EVERYBODY is a first place winner" (regardless if they work or don't work for it) like they say we must teach our students today.

And I just can't imagine how bored we we must have been without I-Macs, PC's, Play Stations, Nintendo's, X-boxes or 270 digital cable TV channels like kids have today. I must be repressing those memories as I try to rationalize through the denial of the dangers which could have befallen us as we trekked off down the road to some vacant lot, built forts out of tree branches, old pieces of plywood, made trails through the woods and fought over who got to be Davy Crockett, Superman or the Lone Ranger. And by the way, what WAS that property owner thinking anyway - letting us play on that vacant lot? He should have been locked up for not putting up a fence around the property, complete with a self-closing gate and an infrared intruder alarm system.

We played "King Of The Hill" on piles of gravel left on construction sites and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 50 cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like Iodine) and then we got a Band-Aid to cover up the scrape. Today, it's a trip to the ER, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 prescription for antibiotics and Dad calls an attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a dangerous pile of gravel because it is such a threat to the neighborhood.

And speaking of neighbors, we didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our rear end spanked (Oh no! Physical abuse!) and then we got it whacked again when we got home "just because" we should have known better.

I recall the little boy from next door coming over and doing tricks on our front porch. He fell off and landed on his head. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house in a lawsuit as a result of his fall. Instead, she picked him up, gave him a lecture for being such a show-off and took him home to wait until his father got home. My my! Ours was a neighborhood run amuck!

And would you believe, I remember the time Mom invited a door to door salesman inside for a cool glass of lemonade, the ladies from the church would bring over some food if somebody died and we sat down to eat supper together EVERY night of the week?

When we went anywhere in the car, we didn't have DVD's, I-pods, MP3 players or even GameBoys to entertain ourselves and I am sure that I nearly exhausted my imagination quite a few times counting the cows, looking for all the cars with out-of-state tags and asking "Are we THERE yet?". I should have probably sued my parents for the danger they put us in not providing us with seat belts, head restraints, air bags or air conditioning. And what about when they let us put our hands out the windows to play "airplane" or when all us kids slept in sleeping bags on the floor at Grandma's house or outside in the evening air when our whole family went camping at the state park?

To top it off, not a single person I knew was ever told growing up that they were from a "dysfunctional family". How could we possibly have known that? We needed to get into group therapy and take anger management classes to find that out! We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever survive?

Oh, well! At least we managed to make it this far. Now, what's the newest thing we have to worry about these days? Oh, and that reminds me! I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow!

KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTOS - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

http://www.eugeneandtex.com/favoritestories.htm#KNOW-YOUR-STATE-MOTTOS

ALABAMA

Why Shore We Got 'Lectricity!

ALASKA
11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

ARIZONA
But It's A DRY Heat.

ARKANSAS
Literacy Ain't Everything!

CALIFORNIA
Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.

COLORADO
If You Don't SKI, Don't Bother Coming.

CONNECTICUT
Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet.

DELAWARE
We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.

FLORIDA
Ask Us About Our Grandkids, and Our GREAT Grandkids, and Our GREAT, GREAT Grandkids!

GEORGIA
We Put The FUN Fundamentalism!

HAWAII
"Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru." (Just Come, Visit and Then Leave Your Money!)

IDAHO
We're More Than JUST Potatoes...
(Well, Okay, Maybe Not, But Our Potatoes Are REALLY Good!)

ILLINOIS
Please, DON'T Pronounce the "S"

INDIANA
We're 2 Billion Years Old and Tidal Wave Free!

IOWA
We Do Amazing Things With Corn!

KANSAS
The First Of The Rectangle States!

KENTUCKY
Five Million People and Only Fifteen Last Names.

LOUISIANA
Not Everybody Is A Drunk Cajun Like You See At Mardi Gras!
(That's Just Our Most Popular Tourism Campaign)

MAINE
Yep! We're Really Far Away And It's Really Cold Here, But We Have Great Lobster!

MARYLAND
If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

MASSACHUSETTS
Well At Least Our Taxes Are Lower Than Maryland's!

MICHIGAN
First Line Of Defense From Those Canadian Savages!

MINNESOTA
The Land Of 10,000 Lakes (And 10 Million Mosquitoes!)

MISSISSIPPI
Come Visit With Us And You'll Feel Better About Your Own State!

MISSOURI
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars Hard At Work!

MONTANA
Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, and Lots and Lots and Lots Of Buffalo!

NEBRASKA
The Home Of Nebraska Football ('Nuff Said!)

NEVADA
Casinos, Casinos, Casinos, Casinos, Casinos and More Casinos!

NEW HAMPSHIRE
Life Free Or Die! (Now, Go Away And Leave Us Alone)

NEW JERSEY
Home Of The World Most Famous Crime Families

NEW MEXICO
But It's A VERY Dry Heat!

NEW YORK
"You Have The Right To Remain Silent. You Have The Right To An Attorney and Anything You Say May Be Held Against You In A Court Of Law."

NORTH CAROLINA
We Consider Tobacco As Our State Vegetable

NORTH DAKOTA
Just North Of South Dakota.

OHIO
The Birth State Of Jerry Springer. (What More Could You Ask For?)

OKLAHOMA
Just Like The Movie, Except There's No Singing Required

OREGON
Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner!

PENNSYLVANIA
We Cook With Coal.

RHODE ISLAND
Neither A Road Nor An Island. Discuss.

SOUTH CAROLINA
Remember The Civil War? Well, We Actually Never Surrendered.

SOUTH DAKOTA
So Much Closer Than North Dakota.

TENNESSEE
The Volunteer State. If You Don't Volunteer, We Will Volunteer You!

TEXAS
! Se Hablo Ingles �

UTAH
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus!

VERMONT
The Land Of Maple Syrup and "Ay", "Yep" and "You 'Betcha!"

VIRGINIA
Who Says Government Stiffs And Mountain, Slackjaw Yokels Can't Get Along?

WASHINGTON
We Have More Rain Than Any Other State!

WEST VIRGINIA
We're One Big Happy Family! (Really!)

WISCONSIN
We Would Consider It An Honor If You Would Cut The Cheese.

WYOMING
Where Men Are Men... And The Women Are Just As Strong As The Men!

WASHINGTON, DC.
Ok, So We're Not Really A State, But At Least We Get More National Coverage Than You Do!

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO TALK ABOUT COMPUTERS - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

http://www.eugeneandtex.com/favoritestories.htm#ABBOTT-AND-COSTELLO-TALK-ABOUT-COMPUTERS

If you are enough to remember the comedy team of Abbott and Costello, you will appreciate this. If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" could have easily been about computers and have turned out something like this:

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Yes. I'm setting up an office and I need to buy a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: No, your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Yeah, Mac?

COSTELLO: No, I told you, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Ok, what about Windows?

COSTELLO: No, I've already got windows in my office.

ABBOTT: No, do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: No, I've already got wallpaper in my office. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: No, you need software for your windows so you can write proposals, track expenses and run your business.

COSTELLO: Ok, what do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: "OFFICE".

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! (SIGH!) OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: "WORD".

COSTELLO: Ok, what word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the little blue "W".

COSTELLO: OK, forget that. I've heard I can watch movies on the computer, is that right?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want "REAL ONE".

COSTELLO: Yeah, maybe a real one or maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what do I need?

ABBOTT: You need Real One.

COSTELLO: But what if it's a long movie? Can't I also watch reels 2, 3 and 4?

ABBOTT: Of course you can.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: (SIGH!) Ok, ok! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Yes, "MONEY".

COSTELLO: That! 's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need Money to track my money?

ABBOTT: Yeah, but it already comes bundled with your computer at no extra charge.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes, at no extra charge.

COSTELLO: Wow! I get a bundle of money with my computer! How much?

ABBOTT: I told you it's FREE. But you can copy it.

COSTELLO: But, isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: No, Microsoft gives you a license to copy your Money if you don't give it away.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Sure, why not? They OWN it!

COSTELLO: Wow! No wonder that Gates is so rich! He can print his own money!

ABBOTT: Ok, so do you want this computer or not?

COSTELLO: Yeah. I'm coming to get it.

(Costello goes to the computer store, pays for it and takes it home. A few hours later he calls back)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Yes, this is Lou Costello. I'm finished using my new computer for the day. How do I turn it off?

ABBOTT: Ok, look in the lower left-hand corner and click on the "START" button.......

SOME GOOD THINGS TO REMEMBER - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

http://www.eugeneandtex.com/favoritestories.htm#SOME-GOOD-THINGS-TO-REMEMBER

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

* Never buy a car you can't push.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, always sleep late.

* Don't always rush into things that look too easy. Remember, it's the second mouse gets the cheese!

* When everything's coming your way, you're going on wrong way on the interstate.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to just one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make only once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

* If you don't go to people's funerals, then they won't come to yours.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

WHY ENGLISH IS SO HARD TO LEARN - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

http://www.eugeneandtex.com/favoritestories.htm#WHY-ENGLISH-IS-SO-HARD-TO-LEARN

Notice how the same words can be pronounced in 2 or more different ways

1) The bandage was WOUND around the WOUND.

2) The farm was used to PRODUCE the PRODUCE.

3) The dump was so full that the city had to REFUSE more REFUSE.

4) We must POLISH the POLISH furniture.

5) He could LEAD if he would get the LEAD out.

6) The soldier decided to DESERT his DESSERT in the DESERT.

7) Since there is no time like the PRESENT, he thought it was time to PRESENT the PRESENT.

8) A BASS was painted on the head of the BASS drum.

9) When the hunter fired his gun, the DOVE DOVE into the bushes.

10) I did not OBJECT to the OBJECT.

11) The insurance was INVALID for the INVALID.

12) There was a ROW among the oarsmen about how to ROW.

13) They were too CLOSE to the door to CLOSE it.

14) The buck DOES funny things when the DOES are present.

15) A seamstress and a SEWER drove over the SEWER line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his SOW to SOW.

17) The WIND was too strong to WIND the sail.

18) After a NUMBER of injections my jaw got NUMBER.

19) Upon seeing the TEAR in her wedding dress, the bride shed a TEAR.

20) I had to SUBJECT the SUBJECT to a series of tests.

CHURCH MARQUEES - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

http://www.eugeneandtex.com/favoritestories.htm#CHURCH-MARQUEES

"Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case."

"Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible."

"The best vitamin for a Christian is B1."

"Welcome to our church. It's been under the same management for over 2000 years."

"Welcome to our church. Soul food served here."

"Welcome to our church. Wal-Mart isn't the only saving place!"

"Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!"

"Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church."

"Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!"

"Life has many choices, Eternity has two. What will yours be?"

"Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due."

"Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary."

"It's hard to stumble when you're down on your knees."

"What part of 'THOU SHALT NOT' don't you understand?"

"Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings."

"A clear conscience makes a soft pillow."

"The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday."

"Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive."

"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."

"Christians, keep the faith...but not from others!"

"Satan subtracts and divides. God adds and multiplies."

"If you don't want to reap the fruits of sin stay out of the devil's orchard."

"To belittle is to be little."

"Don't let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you."

"God answers kneemail."

"Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back."

HOW TO CURE THE TOWN GOSSIP - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

http://www.eugeneandtex.com/favoritestories.htm#HOW-TO-CURE-THE-TOWN-GOSSIP

Mildred, the town gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the community's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new neighbor on her street, of being an alcoholic after she saw his red pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. So she started the gossip going around that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, got wind of what she was saying about him but didn't bother to explain, defend, or deny his actions. However, later that evening, George quietly pulled his bright red pickup truck right in front of Mildred's House . . .

. . . and left it there all night.

WHAT KIDS HAVE SAID ABOUT CHURCH - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

*A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

* After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

* A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service: "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."

* A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?" *

* A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

* After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"

* Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?" "Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot.

* The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."

* A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled, "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"

* Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."

* A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, Honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN? - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

Were you a kid in the Thirties, Forties, Fifties or sixties?

In 1953 The US population was less than 150 million... Yet you knew more people then, and knew them better...

The average annual salary was under $3,000...Yet our parents could put some of it away for a rainy day and still live a decent life...

A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents... But it was safe for a five-year-old to skate to the store and buy one...

Prime-Time meant I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet, Gunsmoke and Lassie... So nobody ever heard of ratings or filters...

We didn't have air-conditioning... So the windows stayed up and half a dozen mothers ran outside when you fell off your bike...

The only hazardous material you knew about...Was a patch of grassburrs around the light pole at the corner...

You loved to climb into a fresh bed... Because sheets were dried on the clothesline...

People generally lived in the same hometown with their relatives... So "child care" meant grandparents or aunts and uncles...

Parents were respected and their rules were law.... Children did not talk back...

TV was in black-and-white... But all outdoors was in glorious color...

Your Dad knew how to adjust everybody's carburetor... And the Dad next door knew how to adjust all the TV knobs... And that was very good.

Your grandma grew snap beans in the back yard... And chickens behind the garage...

And just when you were about to do something really bad... Chances were you'd run into your Dad's high school coach... Or the nosy old lady from up the street... Or your little sister's piano teacher... Or somebody from Church... ALL of whom knew your parents' phone number...And YOUR first name...

And there was Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel &Hardy, Abbott &Costello, Sky King, Little Lulu comics, Brenda Starr, Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the sound of a reel mower on Saturday morning, and summers filled with bike rides, playing in cowboy land, playing hide and seek and kick-the-can and Simon Says, baseball games, amateur shows at the local theater before the Saturday matinee, bowling and visits to the pool...and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar, and wax lips and bubblegum cigars

Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!

And was it really that long ago?

DID YOU SEE GOD? - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children.

The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.

TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.

TEACHER: Did you see God?

TOMMY: No.

TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He just doesn't exist.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.

The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy:

Tommy, do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?

TOMMY: Yes

LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?

TOMMY: No

LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she must not have one!

FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT" II CORINTHIANS 5:7

HOW TO TELL IT'S THE 21ST CENTURY - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work, you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 10 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

13. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself!

Have a good day.

COULD ALL 50 STATE CONSTITUTIONS BE WRONG ABOUT GOD? - http://www.theGETshow.com . info@theGETshow.com

America's founders did not intend for there to be a separation of God and state, as shown by the fact that all 50 states in the US acknowledge GOD in their state constitutions!!!

Somewhere along the way, the Federal Courts and the Supreme Court have misinterpreted the United States Constitution and told us that it is "unconstitutional" for our government to recognize God in our public declarations. But, could ALL 50 of our states be wrong?

After reviewing the acknowledgments of God in EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THE 50 state constitutions below (including New York AND California), maybe, just maybe, the ACLU and the out-of-control federal courts are the ones who are wrong!

Hmmmm, it makes you wonder!!!

"Those people who will not be governed by God will be ruled by tyrants."- William Penn

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ALABAMA

1901 - Preamble. We the people of the State of Alabama, invoking the favor and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish the following Constitution...

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ALASKA

1956 - Preamble: We, the people of Alaska, grateful to God and to those who founded our nation and pioneered this great land...

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ARIZONA

1911 - Preamble: We, the people of the State of Arizona, grateful to Almighty God for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution... <